11 tests and counting By Babiesinwaiting | 13 / Nov / 2018
I think anyway ... let me just do my 11th test, just to be sure!
After getting married and enjoying a magical honeymoon, children were the next and most important step my husband and I wanted to take. It was something that we had spoken about for years as if it were a distant milestone that would never actually come around. A little like when you are young you think,
“When I am older, I wonder when I will pass my driving test?”
“When I am older, I wonder what my husband will be like?” and
“I wonder when I will have children and how many?”
“What will pregnancy be like for me?”
Well, the time had come but my thoughts were now swaying more towards, “will I even be blessed enough to have children at all?”
The words IVF and infertility were now consuming my thoughts. After stopping the pill 2 years ago, my periods were finally back to normal and all was fine. However I had already diagnosed myself on Google with a number of problems, I suffer with extremely painful periods so the word endometriosis was looming in the back of my brain. I even considered visiting a doctor to check, just so I could relax.
We arrived back from Italy and got right to it! I downloaded an app and tracked my period for the very first time. I also went out and bought the ovulation tests, did all my research and started to become very excited! However, I kept telling myself over and over “you don't want to fall pregnant for a year - give it a year and you will be happy”. We didn't tell a soul that we were trying purely because if I said it out loud then it was real and every month that would go by that I didn't fall pregnant would be a disappointment and a failed attempt and another step up the ladder to “I’m sorry, you’re infertile”. So we told all the friends and family already asking that we would maybe think about it next year.
When it came to 2 weeks after my period, I begun the ovulation tests and each day for nearly a week the tests came back negative. I thought I had hit the first hurdle “o.k so I don't ovulate, this could be a problem” and I immediately felt like a failure as a woman. Until over a week after predicted, the little smiley face appeared and I was one big smiley face...I was a normal woman!
A week or so went by and I was already preparing myself for the disappointment of a period. My breasts were hurting and I thought “here comes my period”. I was starving and I found myself thinking “O here it comes, any day now” and the headaches begun, another sure sign of my period. Until one day, I turned to my husband “What’s burning?! “ I can smell burning!” he responded “absolutely nothing is burning”.
“Can’t you smell that? How can you not smell that?” I demanded.
We dismissed it, however it was secretly ticked off on my 'early pregnancy sign' checklist in my head, before I went back to telling myself it was all imagined.
The next day came, I was having a big wardrobe clear out, as you do. I stopped and made some lunch for us and then got back to colour coding my clothes until I sudden felt slightly ill. So I thought “O I’ll do a test, it can’t hurt, might just cause some disappointment”.
I did the test and watched the horizontal blue line appear and told myself I was silly for even thinking...hang on, is that a very very faint vertical blue line? I shouted for my husband and asked him to come and confirm that he couldn't see it and that I was going crazy, except he could see it too. Back to Google - “no such thing as a false positive. A line is a line.”
This couldn't be real, I was being silly, it had only been 12 days since ovulation! So I went off to the shops to buy more tests for the days to come to confirm or deny my suspicion and with that I bought the £8.99 digital test, because why not! It’s only £8.99 wasted right. Except, it came back 1-2 weeks pregnant. I could not believe my eyes, we had only been trying for 1 month. How is this possible? I woke up my husband crying and showed him and he too could not process the information either.
For years I had planned in my head the day I would tell my parents I was pregnant, the words they had wanted to hear for years. I would buy a little present, make a big gesture. However approximately 4 minutes after telling my husband, we dropped everything and got in the car to drive to my parents. I was so excited and we got stuck behind every tractor in Essex! They were over the moon and equally as shocked as us at the prompt timing! They opened some champagne and we talking everything babies. Next stop my husband’s parents, they were equally as happy!
Each day I wake up to do another test just to check that I'm not dreaming and that it is actually happening. This is the most magical time of my life, I actually can’t believe we have been blessed with this gift.